I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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