Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
