Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
