u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
