after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
