i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
