just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
