you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
