Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
