drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
