oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish you could order shots online.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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