I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
