I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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