Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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