Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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