I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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