oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I cannot find my penis.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
