my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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