question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
