This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
