Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
