don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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