Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
