It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
