I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
