The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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