fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
