Duck Duck Cougar?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
