I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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