shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
