Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
