Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
