your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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