Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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