is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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