why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Randomize
