We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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