I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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