Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
