you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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