We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it's like iHOP with fire
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
