Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
