After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
