shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
