I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
