Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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