I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
