i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
