I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
