I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
